All things must end
Grace & Ease was born as Light Touch Therapeutic Massage in January 1989. While I have had many, many other careers and businesses (writer, actor at Fanny Hill Dinner Theatre, personal chef, small business caterer, reservation agent for Northwest airlines, custom bakery, and more), my massage therapy practice has been the through-line for the past 34 years. I loved having my practice in my home, and I have loved all the clients (who often became good friends) through the years. Grace & Ease evolved several years ago to include intuitive coaching and, more recently, intuitive art.
So it is with a mixture of gratitude for all that has come before and sadness for all that needs to be released, I am permanently closing the massage therapy practice portion of Grace & Ease.
Life changed on September 26, 2023. I received a totally unexpected diagnosis of a fairly rare, aggressive cancer. The past six weeks have been a whirlwind of tests (ultrasound, MRI brain scan - normal (yay!) and a full-body PET-CT scan to determine where the cancer is or is not, minor surgeries (biopsy and portocath insertion), lab work, consults with a surgeon and dermatologist and two immunotherapy infusions. The cancer is currently only in the left axillary region - armpit and has not shown up anywhere else at this time.
I am scheduled for another immunotherapy infusion on November 20, with another full-body PET-CT scan on December 8 to assess where the cancer is or is not and how much the current tumor has shrunk (to allow for surgical removal). If all goes well, I will likely have surgery in late December or early January, and we’ll have a good idea of what additional treatment is appropriate going forward.
With the current tumor located in my left armpit/shoulder region, and the portocath on my upper right side of my chest, I have discovered that, while I can do massage for short amounts of time (i.e. half an hour), I pay for it with an irritated upper body for the next few days. I realized that if I was advising someone else, I would say, “well, then, don’t do that!”
I have also been grappling with the realization that the type of cancer I have is one that requires ongoing care. It is not a “one and done” type of cancer, so even if all goes well (and I anticipate that it is going to), we will be dealing and managing this cancer from here on out in one way, shape or form.
I am also on a “sabbatical for health and wellness” from the intuitive coaching and artwork until I have healed from my surgery. I will be able to reassess what shape that work will take in my life after that time.
Friends and family alike remind me that I need to focus on my own healing and self-care at this time. Which I am. At the same time, letting go of work that I love with people that I care deeply for is a source of grief. It’s an identity shift and brings up big, big questions. Like, who am I if I am not doing the work I’ve done for 34 years? What is my value? Do I really believe that I matter as a human “being” versus a human “doing?” And, if I haven’t yet embraced that idea fully, I believe I’m being encouraged by God(dess)/Spirit/the Universe/Angels/etc. to dive deep and make that shift now.
That deep processing takes time and energetic space in which to do so. Having been in a whirlwind of change for the past six+ weeks, I realize I need to open up time and space for myself to not only cope with the physical changes and aspects of cancer, but to be willing to look and process the emotional/mental/spiritual aspects, as well. And, it is a process, a journey, an odyssey, if you will.
Some friends have asked me if I feel I have to make a decision around closure now, in the midst of all that is happening. I replied that, yes, I do. When you are a solo entrepreneur, as I have been for 30+ years, you really are never NOT working. Ideas occur in the middle of the night; inspiration strikes and you seek to make it the new reality of your service. You are the marketing person/accountant/tax preparer/communicator/creative consultant/website manager…and so on. In order for me to make the “bandwidth” available for this cancer journey, I need to do a full stop.
Therapeutic massage will always be a part of who I am, and I am wise enough to acknowledge that I should “never say never.” With that in mind, however, I am saying, with immense love and gratitude, that Grace & Ease Therapeutic Massage is closed, effective today, November 10, 2023.
Blessings to all of you who have been on this journey with me, and may your lives be filled with grace & ease.